Coming out: why are we afraid to come out to family?

Feart to be yourself

The first most important and at the same time the most difficult step in the life of lesbian, gay or transsexual is to accept who we are inside ourselves. The second most difficult step is to tell the family.

Why are we afraid?

Because we know that once we say it there is no way back. Because the opinion of parents and siblings is important to us. They have been a part of us all our lives and we are afraid that we will lose their love and support. Because we are afraid of any rejection, condemnation or even being thrown out of the house. Also the subsequent reaction of the neighborhood, like close friends or neighbors.

We all analyze whether, how and when to say it. Many times, we decide not to get out of the closet, even before we do anything, just because we see what is happening around us. For example, we decide not to tell the truth our parents because we know they are believers and go to the church. Or just because they live in a village and there, everything is rapidly expanding. Or because you often hear them say anti-homosexual expressions during the evening news.

The only hope for us is often siblings. Especially when we have a close relationship we hope we will be understood and supported. Any negative comments towards gays or lesbians will push us back and we rather decide to keep quiet forever.


When Fear Wins

The fear of what is going to happen will overwhelm us. We postpone coming out, we lie and we suffer. Many of us have never taken courage. They move to a distant city or other country and live their secret lives. Those who don’t want or can’t move out give up their real themselves. They live according to society, they often marry and have children, even though it is not what they really want. And thus they will destroy their real personality, even though they have never tried life in the truth.

But is this the right way? Live a life in secret and play on someone who we are not?


Published in Questions&Answers


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